What Changed?

I’m still giggling over last night’s surreal events. So what changed to bring the horny boys my way? Mostly…nothing. Yeah, I mean, I went out just to have fun with my girl, J. Wasn’t thinking a thing about men.

My hair? Up in a french braid. Not even a stellar braid. Hair totally pulled off my face. I never let people see me like that. Not in public.

My pants. The ones I haven’t been able to fit into for a year. After the last three days of kind of being an eating machine, I was dread to try on ANY pants…even the ones that have started to kind of fall off me. But ever brave, I grabbed the jeans from the box in the corner (yes, living out of boxes and suitcases sucks especially since I can’t find my eyeliner pencil sharpener) and began to pull them on. I fully anticipated having to squeeze into them and be disappointed that I couldn’t zip them. Nope. Up they went. Up the zipper went. With ease. And there’s actual give in the pants everywhere. Yay!

What else was different? I guess my eye makeup. My black eyeliner was out (see above missing pencil sharpener) and so I opted for the purple. No big.

I guess what changed the most was how I looked at myself and how comfortable I felt in my own damn skin. It was a good feeling. And it wasn’t meant for anyone else but me. I wanted to feel happy and I was. I guess it transmitted to others.

It’s the only explanation I have.

That and a chemical spill somewhere nearby.


Cougarville? Me? WTF??!?!

There must be something in the air. Some weird “let’s make horny young guys chase the ‘cougar'” sort of chemical. What a weird fucking night.

My friend J hauled me out to a jam earlier and we were all prepared to listen to music and talk about her wedding plans. We hadn’t gone out in a while and we needed to catch up. I also knew we were meeting up with this bass player friend of her fiancee. Fine by me. Most of the people I know in town are musicians and we were going to a jam. I had no reason to believe the night would unfold as it did. Like, I never would have guessed that I’d end up having to push some young buck off of me.


Nothing like having a 25-year-old cutie to make an old broad feel good again.


Yeah. It’s just at some point, I felt like I had a puppy humping my leg.

Look, I appreciate a good flirt, but the full court press just ain’t my thing. And as cute as this guy was (and seriously, he was really good looking…like…CW teen angst drama good looking), I’m not gonna go further than flirting. He gets an A for effort though.

After the jam, my friend (who was the whole reason I went out in the first place) says she wants to grab some Roberto’s. Fine by me. But then the guy at the counter (who was also on the young side) is asking her all sorts of questions about me. “Is she single? Do you think she’d go out with me?” J’s giggling because they’re jabbering away in Spanish and it’s all Greek to me. I can pick out a few words but I’m not exactly fluent. So then J starts translating the conversation. WTF? Honestly, I must be putting out some weird pheromones or something because I don’t get that kind of attention. (If you saw J, you’d be asking wtf, too, cuz she’s young and gorgeous. SHE’S the one who commands attention everywhere.)

I don’t get what went on at all tonight. I’m not even gonna try to figure it out. All I know is that it was nice to have that sort of attention. Weird, though. Very. Bordering on “am I being Punk’d?”

WTF? I probably shouldn’t complain. It was funny. Weird, but funny. Yeah, well…

Now, if only that work on guys who were a bit older and more suited to the kind of relationship I want and need. Or men who would offer to make me a kept woman.

Still, hot, blond 25-year-old and a cute, young latino are welcome to flirt with me any time.

Stupid Things People Say

I love overhearing conversations when people have had a bit of alcohol or something to prime the pump.

True stories:

1) (In bathroom, quickly filling up with 20something women in tight dresses, one of which was white, with the woman wearing a veil covered in penises.) Damn. I just got my period! Guess I won’t be hooking up with hot strangers tonight for one last fling! Periods ruin all my fun!

2) “So, what’s the gayest thing you do?” asked clueless man #1. Gay Man replies, “You mean beyond blowin’ my husband? I guess it would have to be beating down clueless guys who ask me stupid questions.”

3) Crazy woman at bus stop, “Do you think I could convince the driver to take me further down the road so I don’t have to transfer and then walk to the mall?”

4) “Do you carry steak here?” obviously drunk/stoned guy to 7-11 clerk.

I love Las Vegas.